(dated 16th August, 2012, 22:13 pm)-This should have been my first post…but anyways, I thought it’s not too late to post it

Do you ever have those moments where you feel like expressing something but you don’t really have a grasp of what it is you want to express? I sometimes have a huge urge to write something, and I can feel it in me, it troubles me a lot but I am so helpless because I don’t know what it is I want to express. This is one of those moments and I’ve just decided to write and so whatever thoughts are flowing in my head right now are what I will be putting down.

Several thoughts going through my head right now; gosh, my tummy has grown so big, how about I start blogging about weight loss, as in, embark on a weight loss journey where I try out different things and write about my experiences with them. On the other hand I’m thinking, maybe I should be blogging about my silly experiences, like today, instead of making chapatti, I ended up making some ‘sweet’ pattis (sweet chapatti, ’cause I used sweet flour unknowingly), you know. Or, I could write about boys or crazy boys that are hard to understand and yet we keep finding ourselves attracted to them even when we know how unkempt they are (no offense).

So I’m kinda lost here with all these different things running through my head at once. I am also constantly thinking of what meaningful thing can I be doing that will give me more fulfillment than doing the normal that I’m already doing? What can I do to support others that could use the little knowledge or experience that I have in any way? I hear some of my friends talking about all these different things they are doing and I’m like, shoot, what am I doing with my life, you know. I wanna find something I can do and enjoy, something that can benefit someone and something that will help me grow as well. Thinking about this is actually making me realize of some of the people in my life that could be good resources, and some things like the internet, people around me that are a good source of inspiration, wisdom and knowledge, full of great ideas and all that. I am also thinking about how I can be more efficient in my work and how I can support others on the same. I don’t want to think that I am a fixer, but rather I want to work with others to correct things or reduce the risk of failure so that there is more efficiency and productivity.

I am so done sitting on my brains and not making good use of it! If I don’t use my brains I’m not being a good steward of what God has given me. I do not want to do stuff because others are doing stuff, but I realize I have a role to play in this life and I just need to figure out what role is so that I can live it out. I know sometimes it takes way longer to discover one’s purpose, but I’m going to deliberately take time to think through or experiment until I find my place in this world! But as of now, I need to get my own act together; have a good grip on my own life before I try to look into other people’s lives. This year and the one to come is the year I would like to see myself walk to the edge; where I’ve always feared or have not believed I could walk to. This is the year where I will learn to overcome my doubts and fears and challenge myself to walk and do things with courage! So, where do I start from?